'Serpent Drone' Levels Chicago Suburb
U.S. Military Puts Moratorium on 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day'

Shermanwood Heights, a suburb of Chicago, was bombed out of existence Monday by a remote-controlled war drone that was supposed to be running test exercises over the midwest.
On a related note, all branches of the U.S. military have put a moratorium on "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" both home and abroad.
"I thought it was Xbox!" screamed eight-year-old Serena Warrez, daughter of Airman Antonio Warrez, while being held at gunpoint by military police on Hughes Air Force Base.
An unnattended Serena reportedly climbed into a Serpent Drone control module and gleefully cackled as she murdered over 2,200 American citizens.
"I just figured she was playing 'Angry Birds'," said Airman Warrez.
Integrated Technologies, the defense contractor that invented the Serpent Drone, has come under fire for the video-game-like user interface.
"Just because we started with 'Tom Clancy's HAWK 2' doesn't make this our fault," said IT spokesperson Melanie Chambers.
"This just shows women have no place in the armed forces," said General Martin E. Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Serena will be tried as an adult for embarrassing the U.S. military.
Those touched by this tragedy took a moment to consider empathizing with foreign neighborhoods devastated by American drone bombings, but then just shrugged it off and went about their Christmas shopping.